Therese, there’s so much to celebrate and be grateful for during the holiday season, but it can also be a time that leads to stress and anxiety for our children.

Loved ones we don’t visit with frequently or relatives who haven’t seen our children in years often default to asking things like…

“How’s school going?”

“Are you keeping up your grades?”

“What sports are you enrolled in?”

“What do you want to be?”

Or, if our children are teenagers, it’s often questions like…

“What colleges are you looking at?”

“Have you decided on a major?”

“Do you have an internship lined up yet?”

And while some of these questions might seem innocent, they’re all making assumptions about our children’s future that might not be the reality.

Too often, catching up with friends and family over the holidays starts with conversations like these that can make our children question their decisions and feel intimidated to share.

This is especially true if our kids are pursuing a path that looks different from the choices other family members have made.

So, what can we do to support our children during the holiday season?

While it’s likely impossible to avoid conversations like these entirely, here are some things that can help our children feel seen and understood—even when they do get asked questions like this.

TALK TO OUR CHILDREN BEFORE FAMILY GATHERINGS

One thing that can give children confidence during family gatherings is to do some prep work. Before a get-together with relatives or having friends and family over for the holidays, we can check in with our kids to see how they’re feeling. Let them know that we’re there to back them up if they feel uncomfortable in a conversation. And, give them some ideas about how to respond to some common questions that we anticipate being part of the conversation.

LET OUR CHILDREN KNOW WE SUPPORT THEM AND THEIR INTERESTS

One of the best things we can do for our children during the holidays, but also at any time, is to remind them that we support them no matter what they are interested in. Even the most well-meaning relatives can make comments that hurt our child’s feelings, but knowing that they have us backing them up and encouraging them is what matters most.

REMIND OUR CHILDREN THAT SUCCESS LOOKS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE

There’s no singular path to happiness and fulfillment. And, some of the most conventionally ‘successful’ people are the unhappiest. If our children are facing criticism because they’re making their own choices instead of pursuing a future that’s in line with the rest of our family, remind them that success looks different for everyone.

Academic success, seeking a high-paying job, and having well-rounded interests are the default for many people, but our children should pursue the path that is best for them…not the path that has been successful for someone else. They’ll only feel confident to do that if they know that we’re there encouraging them to forge their own way.

I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season and a Happy New Year!